Have you seen the video where the lesbian groundhog saves the muslim whale from the burning toy factory for left-handed orphans? Of course you did. You posted it on your Facebook feed, a little smile breaking across your tear-stained face, before clicking on 38 Things You Can Only Understand If You Were Born In October 1975. It's true, you thought, shaking your head. I did used to eat breakfast cereal with a cartoon character on the box. It's like they know me!
I don't want to get all bah humbug on everybody's party, but enough! As an elderly gentleman sitting on my e-porch, I'm old enough to remember when Facebook was for pictures of food, pets and babies. Maybe those were simpler times, but dammit we liked those times. They were our times. Not the times of websites whose entire business model is based on making you laugh or cry and then feel a little better about yourself.
I promise that I'm not being cynical. Tear porn click bait is. I believe we can be stirred by each other without thirty second life-is-a-box-of-chocolates clips manufactured to capture advertising revenue. This shit is James Frey distilled for the Vine age. It's manipulative, disingenuous and fake. We are better than that. I am lucky enough to have a ton of awesome friends who do really cool stuff, and I'm way more psyched to hear about them than about any combination of firemen, dancing, school kids, hugs, animals, etc.
In 2014, let's resolve to uplift and inspire each other with what we do, not with what we copy and paste. Happy new year everybody.
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