This Video Could Save Your Life

Remember when apparently all of America was one giant Humbert Humbert salivating over the Olsen twins? Like sexualizing children who had played a BABY (!) on a sitcom wasn't a motive for marching everybody straight to space jail where not even Guy Pearce could save them? Then remember when the twins turned into eighteen-year-old Helena Bonham Carters and the world shrugged. Then Heath Ledger died in one of their apartements and people vaguely remembered that they had lusted after this girl when she was a BABY, before shamefully ignoring her (and her twin) again?
I ask this because I watched Martha Marcie May Marlene the other week, starring their younger (heh-heh, slobber, drool) sister. Have you seen it? Did you like it? Did you think she was a good actress? Did she awaken your inner pedophile like her sisters once did? What about the ending? I liked the ending. Did you? More importantly, after watching it, I thought that maybe I have the attributes to start a cult: I'm black and Jewish with a Biblical name born on Christmas to a single mom. I'm sure I could convince someone of my guru potential. True, I am lacking the rape-y bits and the desire or ability to grow or produce anything by myself, but maybe those are learned skills.
Then I remembered that I am in a cult. Although it previously seemed to have been put to rest like so many Hale Bop enthusiasts, once it has a hold on you, like Thetans, it doesn't let go. So watch our recruitment video. It could save your life.